I Finally Worked Out My Reading Style

Until very recently, I had no idea reading styles were a thing. I was aware that some people bought a book and read the book, but put that down to them having some sort of inner self-control that I lacked.

Those other strong-willed people didn't have what my mother calls the family 'butterfly brain', putting down books that they are enjoying perfectly well and fluttering off, unable to finish for reasons even they don't understand.

I still haven't finished The Binding which I started long before Covid and enjoyed every moment of until I suddenly put it down and never went back. What are you even meant to call that? A temporary DNF? A ODIF (one-day I'll finish?)

For those of you who do know about reading styles, it must be painfully obvious that I'm a mood reader. I'm not flawed, I'm not especially weird, and I'm no less disciplined than anyone else. My mood controls what I want to read, and what I can process at any one time. Sometimes the thought of reading makes me want to throw up, and sometimes I practically cry because I can't read five books at the exact same moment.

I have no limits on the genres I read, and even genres I don't like (war novels, spy novels, young adult) can still entice me with the right concept. My TBR list is out of control because every book I see might be the answer to 'what I want to read next'... I just don't know when that moment will be. As a result, I've had to rethink my whole approach to buying books, because having six-hundred plus unread books isn't healthy. 

Every time I finish a book I pour through my TBR list, waiting to see what I'm drawn to, and am often outright repulsed at the idea of reading something I was excited about days before. It can be stressful, especially when you don't know why you feel like that. 

When a new release comes out that I am burning with excitement for... I often can't bring myself to read it. Sherlock Holmes and the Highgate Horrors was a recent example of me being excited for a release and then having to outright force myself into reading it.

I won't get too deep into the psychology of it, but one of the big issues I am working through in my personal life is my inability to process and comprehend my own emotions. I spent much of 2021 referring to a picture of the cast of Inside Out to try and figure out what I was feeling at any one moment; that's the primary school level of emotional comprehension I'm currently at. 

So it's possible that if I've had all these emotions swirling around that I don't understand, my brain might have learned to protect itself by avoiding certain books at certain moments. Likewise I might have walked away from books I was enjoying when certain feelings were triggered. 

So is this going to change anything? 

Not really. I've only ever known one way to read, after all. I've seen traditional readers try out mood reading, but I don't think it would be possible for me to adopt a different reading style.

What it does mean is that I can lift a bit of that internalised shame and self-hatred from my shoulders. There's no right way to read, nothing that I'm failing at.

It will hopefully help me with some of my bad habits: not every book I'm excited about needs to be bought immediately. I'm used to the poverty mindset and having lots of books was a comfort, but now things are different; I can just... buy the book I'm drawn to reading, or get it from the library. Obviously I'll still buy books for fun (once my book ban is lifted) but it might help me moderate the impulse.

It means that I'm probably not going to do as many themed challenges. I always have the urge to read horror books in autumn and festive books in December, so they may stay, but otherwise my reading challenges will likely be open to multiple themes and genres, or will stay private and longer-term.

I'm now doing an exercise when I finish a book where I think of the 'type' of book I'm drawn to before looking at the options. Do I feel the claw-like desire for something sharp and literary, or the earthy sensation of mysteries and puzzles? The cool air and cold metal of sci-fi? Or the round, home-y warmth of fantasy? By identifying which of those sensations I'm leaning towards, I can narrow my options down quickly. 

I'm also hoping that it may help in other areas of my life, because it's not just books that I take this approach to. Television is a big one (I still haven't watched Series 2 of Our Flag Means Death, the Doctor Who 60th special aired months ago and I still am not in a place where I can watch it, and I have wandered off from multiple shows I was enjoying.) Gaming is another - yes I did pause a multi-month playthrough I was obsessed with because I missed Horizon Forbidden West and suddenly the thought of shooting a gun when I could fire an arrow was horrendous.  

This isn't some big psychological revelation, but anything that takes away guilt and worry is a good thing. Especially if it helps me read even more books.

I write this blog purely for my own enjoyment, not to make a career or become a content creator. Even so, I put a lot of work into it. If you fancy supporting me on Ko-Fi, that would be incredibly cool of you!